I Smoked A Cigarette Today...

Wow. That's all I can say after this week. Wow. After a week of waiting for my financial aid check to come in the mail, I finally got it today. It was double what I usually get per semester mainly because of my loan, which was supposed to be for my financial security.

So after getting my check, I thought that I was in the clear. Wrong. I don't mean to be all emo and what not, but it's starting to become the story of my life. One fantastic thing happens to me and then it's canceled out by a huge negative. Well, that happened today.

For those of you who already know, I used to have a number with AT&T that I used for almost two years before I switched to my current T-Mobile phone. I wanted to cancel my AT&T number but my older cousin needed a phone to use and I did the generous thing in letting her use it (plus paying 3/4 of the bill).

This month (January) is actually the last month of that 2 year contract with AT&T. So that means that I would only have to pay one more bill and I wouldn't have to worry about that anymore. So as I dug through the mail to find my financial aid check, I stumbled on my AT&T bill. I open the bill and see a number that I can't even state on here because of obvious security reasons, and my mouth drops.

What is so ironic about this situation is that the AT&T phone is under my step dad's name and he has very good credit and if he ever found out about the price of this bill, my mom and I probably wouldn't have a place to live for a while. That is how big this problem is. Not that my step dad would ever be a violent person; he is actually one of the most generous guys I have ever met; nonetheless, if I (or my cousin rather) doesn't come up with a large amount of money by February 10, my world can come crashing down in a hurry.

If any of you have any advice for me as to how to get rid of my ridiculous charges or at least lower them for me (and if the plan works), I'll buy you dinner somewhere and I'll pay you too. That's how desperate I am. And everybody knows I ain't got no money either.

I just came home from bowling and IHOP with some friends and at least that happened today, because if it didn't, I probably would have killed myself. When I got home, I did something that I hadn't done in more than a year: smoke a cigarette. I don't like cigarettes and I will NEVER get addicted to them, but damn, it felt good to be in a different state of mind for once. By the way, if you smoke, please quit, and if you don't, good for you.

I'm also starting to find myself thinking about this girl a lot. I haven't had one girl on my mind since...well...some know who she is, but nevertheless, this new girl is starting to take over my thoughts. She's pretty much everything I want right now: beautiful, sophisticated, mature, intelligent, and her career interests match mine. But there's one problem: she has a boyfriend. I guess it's good that she does have someone already because I probably shouldn't be getting involved with anyone right now seeing as that my time in San Jose is ticking and Los Angeles will be calling my name in 15 months. I don't know what to do with myself, but I smoked a cigarette today and I'm in deep trouble - that's all I know.